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african humour

25.11.2012 01:41 EST
COMPLEXY AFRICAN FAMILY!
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them
kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got
married.
"Later my father married my step daughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law.

Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own son's grandfather! What a great extended and complex family!(Undugu huo waweza kuuelezea Kiswahili?)

DRYING UP THE DROWN VICTIM

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.


When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.



Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"




There was an Ghanaian lady married to a English gentleman who had moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but any how managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store and ,

What do u think happened?


WAHI DAWA!

Kuna wakati rais nyerere alitembelea hopitali ya wagonjwa wa akili, wakati anatembezwa sehemu mbalimbali akakutana na mgonjwa ambaye kwa ripoti za waganga alikuwa sasa ana nafuu nayu karibu kuruhusiwa. Mgonjwa huyu alikuwa ameketi chini akiota jua na wala hakuhangaika kusimamama wakati msafara ulipomfikia.Basi rais akaona aongee nae ili kujua hali yake!;
Rais;habari bwana
Mgonjwa; nzuri
Rais; unaendeleaje
Mgonjwa; mie wa heri, nashukuru mungu mzima,
Kwa jinsi alivyokuwa anajibu, rais alihisi kuwa yawezekana hajui yeye ni nani, maana alionyesha kutokushtuka wala kujali.
Rais; unanifahamu mie?
Jamaa akamwangalia juu hadi chini kasha akajibu,
“aah wapi ntakufahamuje hospitali kubwa hii!”
Rais;” Mie ni Mwalimu Julius Nyerere Rais wa Jamhuri ya muungano wa Tanzania!”
Mgonjwa akamwangalia tena juu mmpaka chini ihali ameketi vilevile,kasha akasema
“wahi dawa,hata mie nilipokuja nilijidhani ni rais vilevile, lakini nililetwa na ndungu zangu tu, wewe mwenzangu ona watu wote hawa!!!!,manesi, madaktari mpaka maaskari!!! Usijali utapona wahi dawa!




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