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Mobile Blog
13.09.2010 22:14 EDT
Dear God, How are You? I am pretty sure You are always fine. Umm, are You busy? May I have Your time? I have lotta things to ask and share with You. I have no friend who would understand me like You do. Or would give me the best solution for many problems like You do, and no one would lend me his shoulder to cry on and arms to hug like You always do. God, study had never been this hard for me. As I remember since I was in kindigarten until I graduated from high school, I never had serious problem with my school. Well, I wasn't straught A student, but I did understand what I had studied since I didn't study for exam, but for life. I believe those all are your blessings to me. Out of school, I still could manage my time to do many things. Let say ministry off and on church, taking extra course like music and doing sport. I even still had time to work. Well, my schedule was so tight and I had to sacrifice my hanging around with friend time. However, I did enjoy my school time. Compare to what I have been through this 2 years, I don't know what I am doing. Dear God, I can't understand the lectures. I can't get the red line of each subjects. I read my book, but I had no idea about it. The worse thing is I have headache, yea a headache for real, when I am studying. Subjects that I did enjoy were statistics and accounting only. Seemed like I fit with numbers. One funny thing is, everytime my lecture talked about science like medical or physical accident, I felt excited. As time rooled by, my study performance getting decreased and decreased and I am ashamed of it. As a 'life should be productive' believer, I felt I had spent my time and money in a waste. I do feel guilty thinking about my performance. Actually nobody is asking me to maintain very high high GPA, but it came from me. I just wanna be total In everything I do. God, deep inside my heart, I am tired and upset. I can't bear it anymore. I still have 22 months to go, but it will hurt my heart if I keep going on. I am thinking to quit, oh God. I knew I had spent lotta money on my tuition fee. I don't know if I could repay all of those money. Now I am trapped with my own foolishness I made 2 years ago. I should have gone to medical school like I planned with my friends. Now, if I quit, I am thinking to take phychology school or interior design instead or accounting instead of medical school. But in other hand, I will put my 5 semesters college life in vain. And I don't know if my parent would pay my tuition fee. If they don't I think I will apply a student loan and study in overseas, because there I can work to provide my self and school can be done in 3 years. Fortunately I was too early going to school, so I saved my age. So what do You think God? God, I know You understand me more than anyone else, even from me myself. I long to serve You like I used to do. If people ask me why don't I do it here, I don't know how to answer. They don't know the situation. So what should I do now, God? Will You answer me? I can't bear the pain in my heart and my head anymore. I have been thinking of it for almost 2 years. At first I thought it was my emotion and being labile, but it kept happening and happening. Moreover the headache I have now. If this semester my GPA is still below my expectation, I am pretty sure it is the indication that I can't make it, graduate from this school. Should I quit, God? I need Your guidence, that's why I write You a note. I wish we could spend time at Starbuck drinking frappucinos and having this discussion, just two of us, You and me. Dear God, I am looking forward to hearing from You sooooon :) Now I must back to my book, I will have exam from next monday for a week full. So help me God. With love,

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