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Why She Can't Orgasm

21.11.2014 14:34 EST
The first thing to address is: How important is it to you to make her orgasm? Is it the most important thing when having sex? I believe looking towards the journey of creating pleasure and making that our aim rather than some goal-oriented destination like orgasm diffuses expectations, anxiety, and pressure. Often, that journey leads you to the destination you seek without creating that extra weight on your shoulders.A partner not orgasming can result from a host of possibilities dependent on many individual and relational factors. For me to guess would be like throwing darts at a dartboard — in the dark. But there are a few common areas worthy of exploration to see if they are associated with thefemale orgasm. Let’s take a quick look at her, and you, as well as the relationship you both have.Is she stressed? What may be on her mind that could affect her pleasure or being present in the moment sexually? Any possible distractions present while you’re sexual? Has she had previous orgasms through masturbation/oralsex before and if so, what’s changedsince then? Any new or existing medications that may affect orgasm? What are her feelings towards herself (body image, self-esteem) and towards sexuality/oral sex? Is she experiencing somefeelings towards you, such as anger,resentment, or other frustrations?Are you placing added pressure on orgasm, sex, or her? What is your style or the techniques used when engaging in oral sex/cunnilingus? How are you as a non-sexual partner? Do you listen, support, communicate, and add the often necessary non-sexual relational support that many women need to feel relaxed and safe sexually? Is there anything you’re doing or not doing that may be affecting the partnership and relationship?I find that communication, technique, stress, and relational discord are the most common issues. Partners that communicate well about sex typically share what is pleasurable and which techniqueswork best for them. We can’t guess or mind read what each partner likes and wants. FYI, the old advice of licking the alphabet is pretty ineffective. You’re better off pickinga couple of letters like “I” or “O” and getting their feedback for speed, pressure, and pleasure.Also, learning to communicate our needs and discovering the importance of finding out the answers to our partner’s personal pleasure often opens the door to orgasm. It makes a huge differencewith comfort,performance anxiety, and sexual confidence for everyone to talk about sex. Talking can help reduce stress and give her a space to let out some of her frustrations. In addition, doing relationship repair work and processing the resentments that exist helps us connect sexually.So ask her what her experience is in the bedroom, have the fearlessness to bring up mutual pleasure and what she wants, find out more about her (and your) anxieties in and out of the bedroom, and learn to openly dialogue about your sexual and nonsexual experience. You’ll find that the more you challenge your own hesitations and fears through communication, the more likely you’ll learn information that can be helpful in reducing or diffusing sexual anxiety and building connection and intimacy.
1 Comments:
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22.11.2014 06:19 EST,


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