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News

9TH SEPTEMBER 2004
JORDANS BREAST IN BURNT OMELETTE SHOCKER!

>From Reuters...
´According to sources close to Jordan, tonight on the day of the egg, the gigantic-breasted mother-of-a-blind-midget-child-to-a-premiership-footballer, took copius amounts of cod-liver oil capsules in a bid to overcome the excrutiating pain she suffered as a result of trying to make an omellette out of her left breast.

The Stutterer-shagging virginity-theif claims she was overcome whilst listening to 28 Costumes on Radio 1 on the Steve Lamacq show because Steve Lamacq played ´21 Years´ on ´the radio´ and had an uncontrollable urge to fry her tit in the eggy, high in protein meal. She was taken into Hospital and Doctors said of the woman ´We were very worried once we had stopped laughing maniacally but, thank the heavens, she is now in a stable...´.

Other sources close to slag, claim it wasn´t listening to 28 Costumes on the Radio that triggered the urge off at all, but the shock caused by seeing that the Daily Star saw it fit to print a HUGE picture of her with only footballs covering her mammoth norks on the front cover, and only underneath her vagina was there a small mention of 200 kids being masacred in Russia, or something like that? Coincidentally, it was in this very same issue of the said tabloid newspaper that your favourite band with the numbers 28 and the letters c,o,s,t,u,m,e,s, had their single ´21 years´ reviewed! They called it ´...a raging tempest of a song, with the epic level cranked to 11...´ and gave it four stars out of five.

When questioned on the matter, 28 Costumes declined to answer any questions regarding the state of Chris´ middle toe, and said of the Jordan story, (Nick)´I would like to apologise profusely to Miss. Price and to Mr. Andre, it was never our intention as a band to send listeners into a breast-frying hullabaloo, we just wanted to make records that perhaps made you laugh, or cry, or made you happy...´ Tony added...´What has happened here is a terrible, terrible affair of hulking proportion. We will all be considering our positions as members of the band.´ Paul added...´Look, if that troublsome woman wants to stick her monstrous mungos into a fryin pan whilst listening to us thats her decision, it´s silly to say that we caused her to do this - I listen to the radio in the kitchen everyday and have indeed cooked omellettes whilst listening to our songs and not once have I had to fight an urge to stick me cock in the fryin pan!! I mean, the whole story is as genuine as the boob in question.´ Christopher had only one word to say, ´We will see that Jordan is fully compensated for her trauma and will pay for any damage caused to the tit.´, before he broke down and cried into Tony´s lap for 6 hours, clearly tortured by the event.

28 Costumes are now officially on tour! It kicked off the other night in The Club Fandango night at the Metro Club, London. The ´Big Gay Unstoppable Love-machine tour 2004´ travels many miles and will trouble such cities as Bath, Chester, Glasgow, Cardiff, Sheffield, Berlin, London, Liverpool, Birmingham and Newcastle to name a few.

Excitement is bubbling like a big fuck-off Volcano here too as details of the Album launch party come in...it´s completely top-secret though for now, although we can let you know it will be in Liverpool and will more than likely be free with an invite, so, to recieve your rather beautiful invitation, please send an e-mail to mail@28costumes.com with ´BIG GAY PARTY´ in the subject bar and be sure to include your name and address and the amount of invites necessary for us to send out to you using dogs. Please act with haste though, because there is one of those ´first come, first served´ systems being operated with this electronic egg. All the details will be confirmed next week, as will full track-listing for ´The Fake Death Experience´ album and sneeky peeks at the art-work.

Thats enough for now, I think... Yip.
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