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→☺ώнγ đσ ώε ƒαll ίη Ł♥νε.??☺←

"It is better to have loft and
lost than to never have loft
at all." — Groucho Marx
Falling in love is a magical
experience that happens
between two people. So why
do people fall in love?
Professor Arthur Aron from
State University of New York
at Stonybrook has been
exploring the dynamics of
what happens when two
people are falling in love:
Q: What motivates
people to seek out love?
A: Our primary motivation as
human beings is to expand
the self and to increase our
abilities and our
effectiveness. One of the
ways we accomplish this is
through our relationships
with other people. We have
learned in our research that
it is important to feel that
you have the ability to be an
effective person, especially
in our relationships.
Q: How does this theory
of self-expansion
explain the process of
falling in love?
A: Usually, we fall in love
with a person that we find
attractive and appropriate
for us, but also someone
who demonstrates that they
are attracted to us. This
creates a situation where a
great opportunity is open to
us for self-expansion. The
fact that they are attracted
to us offers a significant
opportunity — when we
perceive this, we feel a
surge of exhilaration!
Q: Does it always work
this way?
A: No, an interesting
exception to this occurs if we
feel badly about ourselves.
The process gets thrown off
if we can't believe that
another persons finds us
attractive — like the Groucho
Marx joke where we don't
want to belong to a club that
would have us for a member.
We tend to miss out on
opportunities for falling in
love if we don't feel good
about ourselves.
Q: What conditions are
best for meeting
someone and falling in
A: When you meet someone
under conditions that are
highly arousing — a political
demonstration, turbulence on
a plane, a stimulating
performance — a time when
the body is stirred up and
excited, we tend to
experience attraction at a
heightened level. This effect
is well documented but the
explanations for it are very
controversial. I tend to
believe that we come to
associate the arousal of the
situation with this person
and our own self-expansion.
Q: When do we fall in
A: Contrary to what most
people think, the statistics
show that most people fall in
love with someone that they
have known for a while.
People only report falling in
love quickly about 1/3 to 40
percent of the time. Of
course, this varies from
culture to culture. Falling in
love happens differently
between cultures but it does
occur in most cultures.
Q: How does our
appearance factor into
the equation of falling in
A: This is interesting; we
have found that if you are
very unattractive, it can hurt
you a lot in forming romantic
relationships. However,
being attractive doesn't help
that much.
Q: How do you explain
A: We have found that two
important characteristics,
kindness and intelligence,
are extremely important in
the process of falling in love.
And attractiveness is not
connected to these things.
These two attributes are
things that people learn
about someone from knowing
them over time. Intelligence is
important in all aspects of
life, especially in love. But
kindness is the strongest
indicator for a successful
long-term relationship.

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