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personal attitude


When I've failed in life, I've caused my own failures. My attitude hasn't always been a positive one--I've spent quite a lot of time in my life focusing on the negative rather than the positive, the limitations rather than the potential, what I was missing rather than what I had. I can't tell you when the change occurred, or where, or how. It's been a long process, and one that I've had to keep working at in order to keep it going. I've learned through reading and watching people and asking questions that my world is what I make it--I've been blessed with many gifts, but it's up to me whether I use them or not. If I don't, I'm pretty much wasting my time on this planet. I always saw this as something that was so easy to say, because it was always said by people who had their acts together, people who had all sorts of gifts and abilities and who were able to use them. They didn't know anything about my life, though, and how could they tell me that I was holding myself back by the way I thought? I was sabotaging relationships and friendships because I was afraid of them, and I was basically miserable. But in the classroom when i was doing lecturship, I did have my act together, because I had a different attitude. There, I had the expertise I needed, and I knew it, and I also had an obligation to give everything I could to the students. I always left the depression and the negative thoughts outside of the classroom because I had to focus on the task at hand, and focusing on the task gave me a great deal of satisfaction and kept me--well-- focused. It took me a while to realize that by focusing on the negative things in my life, I was perpetuating them, and as I slowly began to shift my focus to the positive, I found that life became more and more positive. Eventually, I became one of the people who say that it's your attitude more than anything else that determines how your life goes. It's not easy, and it's not something that happens overnight, but I guess in a lot of ways I was like an alcoholic--it was much easier to focus on the negative, for then I could blame life for all that was going wrong. When I started to change my attitude, I started to see that life doesn't determine who I am or how happy or unhappy I am-- life doesn't care, as Earl Nightingale says. The world is impersonal. But I care, and I prefer to be positive and happy. I'm much better to myself when I am, and I'm much better for others when I am.

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