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::.::.:.:FUNNY SMS:.:.::.::

judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."


"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"


My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.


When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !

How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters

Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise

Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.


"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."


When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.


"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."


I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .


But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.


It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!


"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."


"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."


A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.


"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."


I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.


"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."


We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.


"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."


"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"


"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."


NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!

What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!

If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!

If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…

When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!

Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.

A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom

Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.

The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!

Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.

To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.

I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."

One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

When god created the men he was only kidding

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner

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