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best-jokes.peperonity.net

Lengthy--------Jokes

LORD, THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER ...
A woman married and had 13children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7more children. Again, her
Husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
'Lord, they're finally together.'
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband? '
The friend replied, ' I think he means her legs.'
------------------------
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack cigarettes.
"I found them in the hallway."
"Now," she said, "if only I could find my sweet little hamster."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
One day there werethree ants, and they set out for their own separate journeys in a house.
One ant went to the oven, the second went to the freezer, and the third went to the toilet.
Later they met again, and discussed their journeys:
The first ant said"My journey was hot!"
The second ant said "My journey was cold!"
The third ant said"My journey was cool... until I almost drowned.
But then a stroke of luck hit,
from out of nowhere came this big brown log..."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Three men were flying in a plane.
One dropped out anapple the other dropped an orange and the other dropped a grenade.
After landing they were walking down the street and saw a kid crying.
They asked him why he was crying and he said "an apple hit me in the head".
Then they saw another kid crying he said "an orange hit me in the head".
Then they saw a kid laughing his head off and they asked him what was so funny he said
"I farted and my house blew up!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam,
"What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear you children and never ask you to get up inthe night to take care of them.
She will not nag, and will be the first to admit she was wrong when you'vehad a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and willfreely give you loveand compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God,"What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park,
until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"and I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angelbrought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes,
from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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