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ihatechristmas - Logos

I Hate Christmas

What's that Hermit? Ya dont like Christmas? But it's the season of goodwill! Peace to all men! Böllöcks! It's the season of 'give me this and I want that' and peace to all men as long as they're clubbing together to by that thing I've always wanted.
Why is it, when ya say 'I don't like Christmas' there's always someone who'll say 'but you must!' Every day I go into Woolworths and buy my sweeties for the day, on average that takes me 3 - 5 minutes.
Come Christmas I'll be stuck in a queue of 18 or more people buying hideous heaps of yuletide crap. inevitably there is always one twät with his buy one get one free tins of Quality Street who's gonna pay by credit card, forget his pin number
and yes he does want carrier bags, even though the sales assistant has run out and the goods clearly wont fit anyway, she should go to the stockroom and get some. It is the season of goodwill after all.
Thats when we loose the sales assistant who goes down to the cellar and for all I know down a dark damp passageway that leads through the centre of the earth to a castle somewhere in the Carpathian Mountains.
All this time I'm stood at the back of the queue clutching my bag of Jelly Babys with one eye twitching, veins bulging out of my neck and gritted teeth thinking 'YOU FÜCKWITTED FÜCK OF FÜCKER!!!'
All of this is going on to the jolly tune of Jingle Bells on panpipes and just when ya think it can get no worse the other till opens. 15 or so people who were stuck in the queue behind you suddenly become Olympia standard runners and all ya can do is stand with gaping mouth as they're served first.
And another thing, why should I spend time and money on people I don't like just because I'm related to them? They come round with their shït presents and their feeble excuses of 'sorry, we didn't know what to get, you're kinda awkward'
I'M FÜCKING AWKWARD?! They unwantedly invite themselves to my house and I'm the fücking awkward one?! And the opening of the present. These people have been bragging since mid-June that they've finished their Christmas shopping and what have they got me?
Pink jumpers, blue jumpers, jumpers with multicoloured sequins. In fact jumpers of all colours except black because 'it would be nice to see you in another colour now and again'.
Okay, here's the deal, I'm a goth, I wear black. I'm 26 years of age an it ain't a fücking phaze! Of course you know on Christmas day I'll be sat in front of the queens speech unable to move because of the sheer volume of food thats just been consumed.
There I'll be in my spangly multicoloured top opening yet another box of cheap chocolates. They can all go kiss my arsë this year anyway cos all my gifts are gonna be sponsorships of donkeys in the third world.

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