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Banana with the letters “F..U..C..K”  written on it.

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters “I L U” written on it. She asks who left the apple, and little Anna raises her hand. “Well, sweetie, what does ‘I L U’ mean?” The little girl replies, “I love you.:D “ The teacher says, “Isn’t that sweet” and continues with class.The next day the teacher finds cherries on her desk with the letters “Y A S” written on it. She asks who left the cherries and what the letters mean. Charlie raises his hand and says, “It means, ‘ you are special.’<3 " "Thank you sweetheart," the teacher says.The following day, the Teacher walks in to find a huge banana with the letters "F..U..C..K":O  written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it. Little Gatiep raises his hand and cheerfully says, "Yes ma'am, I left it…. It means, "From Us Coloured Kids

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Most wanted 7 things in a Guy

7 things i will look for in a guy!!!

B = Brave
I. = intelligent
G = gentle
D = Devoted
I. = Instinctive
C = Caring
K = knowledgeable in short

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List of Offenses. See what your fine are!

Below are a list of offenses, add together the ones you have committed, do not confess there’s a priest for that.

Smoked Weed- R100,
Did drugs- R100
Woke up n didn’t know the person next to you- R100
Had sex with a friend- R100
Had sex with a colleague- R100
Had sex in your parents bed R100
Had sex in a public place- R100
Vandalized something- R100
Beat up someone- R100
Been in love with your friends bf/gf- R100
Bonked/kissed your friends bf/gf- R100
Kissed a stranger and never saw him/her again- R100
Kissed someone of the same sex- R10
Had phone sex- R110
Masturbated- R80
Bonked/kissed- R100
Stole something- R100
Had phone sex- R100
Said you loved someone but you didn’t- R100.
Now add up all ur offenses and have fun with the outcome. ENJOY…!!!

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Sticking with Vaseline

Two gay friends are sitting & chatting. The one says to the other “I’m going over to Greece next month”. His friend replies “F*ck that, I’m sticking with Vaseline”.

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Sperm Count

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing..’

The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’

The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the damn jar open!!

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What is the Diffrence between “secratery” and “Private Secretary”


Secretary says “GOOD MORNING SIR”
Private Secretary says “ITS MORNING SIR”
Best Dirty Jokes of All Time

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

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My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is cloggy!"

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Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

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girl - baby im wet.
Boy - want a paper towel?
Girl - no, i want more then that ;)
Boy - want 2 paper towels?
Girl - no, baby i want sumthing big and round ;)
Boy - damn you want the whole roll?

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A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

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A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."

Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."

Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."

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Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.

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Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

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Boy: Let's play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do you play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say "redlight" when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay :)
*Few seconds later*
Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for redlights ;)

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Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
#Based on a true story

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I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start.
"I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up

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