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Let go of control

How responsible do You feel for other people's happiness? How often do You step in to help someone out? If You often feel frustrated because other people let You down, You may need to address Your own tendencies to control.
It's important to recognise that having control isn't in itself a fault or a weakness. We all admire people who are able to recognise when a situation requires that they take change. But, of course, we can never expect to have control over everything in our lives, let alone other people's. The more thightly we cling to control, the more we invite disappointment and risk damaging our relationships, no matter how good our intentions might be.
'The feeling is, the more control you have, the calmer you'll feel. But you can never have enough control,' says psychote
herapy trainer Mark Tyrell.However, once we realise that we don't have to be on top of everything, we instantly feel more in control of our emotions.
The need to control comes from a place of fear or a lack of trust. There are two kinds of control freaks in this world- those who admit to it and those who don't. Part of the challenge for those who over-control is to develop an awareness of when their actions are helpful, and when they are working against the situation. Even when we have the best of intentions, if our actions are rooted and in a lack of trust, they end up being counter-productive.
It is also easy for any of us to become a 'rebound controller'- when someone tries to control us so much that we respond with our own controlling behaviour. We ned to remove control from our relationships, rather than let it shift with the balance of power.
When did you first lose it? Most people with a need to control can pinpoint a time in thir lives, usually in childhood, when control was taken from them. When have you felt particularly powerless?
Control freaks often believe that there is an absolute right way and absolute wrong way to do things. To achieve a better balance of control, it helps to recognise out controlling tendencies. This way, we can acknowledge what makes us uncomfortable, but realise we don't always have to act on it. Recall three situations where you took control:
For each of those situations ask yourself:
*Why did you take control?
*What would have happened if you had resisted the urge to take control?
*Can you imagine the worst-case scenario?
Search for exact images or thoughts, and follow your imagination through to the most extreme possible outcome. Our fear of losing control often vanishes if we follow it through to the end of the anticipated scenario. Can you see now how you might have ben able to let go?
Watching other people can give us insight into our own behaviour. Give yourself time in a public place, and see if you can spot other people engaging in controlling behaviour.
*What are they doing?
*How are the people reacting to them?
*Can you think of healthier ways that person could have responded?

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