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I seem to be to blame for all that goes wrong in His world. IÊ´m not aware of myself doing so untill after the event, then there appears no doubt that its all my fault. Whatever the problem, somehow I cause it. IÊ´m very carefull of my words and actions, being aware of the twists and turns in His mind that can trip me up and turn anything and everything into a pool of misery to drown in. Its frustrating to always be the cause of someone elses bad behaviour and character failings. I myself have good time keeping, good manners, good morals. I hold my responsibilities as a parent, and human being, high on the priority list. I´ve raised children to meet same guide lines, yet I find myself the reason for Him not being able to in to work, revert back to unsavoury habits so very unconnected with my own life and character its ludicrous.
To defend yourself against a negative is extremely hard. To be a straight minded, loyal and honest soul fervently reaffirming my integrity is so very destroying. Like being in a maze, blindfolded, hands tied and the passages all lined with barbed wire. Pain which ever way. Such a shriveling affect on a soul. I call myself a sponge, seem to soak it all up. Wring me out and I can soak up some more. Its not too comfortable being full of anothers dirty water, sinking with the weight but making an ideal bouyancy aid.

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