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/Footie Jokes

Rumour has it that Villa have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God, all mighty, invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth. Adonai, always fair, told the devil, ´the heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don´t you know all the ´good´ players go to heaven?´ the devil, smiling, responded ´yeah, but we´ve got all the refs´.

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank. ´I´d like to donate some sperm,´ he says to the receptionist.´Certainly, Sir,´ she replies. ´Have you donated before?´´Yes,´ replies Beckham, ´you should have my details on your computer.´´Oh, Yes, I´ve found your details,´ says the receptionist, ´but I see you´re going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?´´Why do I need help to donate sperm?´ asks Beckham.´Well,´ the receptionist replies, ´it says on your record that you´re a useless w****r.´

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham´s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out ´Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup.´ Snow White says ´Well at least Dopey´s alive!´

Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

´Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!´

´The cups man! Save the cups!´ cries George.

´Uh, the fire hasn´t spread to the canteen yet, sir.´

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they´d rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it´s like to ride on an open-top bus.

Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today.
´I´ll do anything for 3 points´, he said when questioned.

The Nottingham Forest Chairman is considering replacing Big Ron with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said ´we don´t just need points now, we need snookers!´

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

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