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dolphinprincess.peperonity.net

*Funny Sms's*

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
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God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
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The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
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CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
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Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
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This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
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Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
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I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
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ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
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Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
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Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
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Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?A:About 45 pounds!! Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
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I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
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There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
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What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
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What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
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I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
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A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
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What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
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Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
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Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
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Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
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WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
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What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
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Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
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Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
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What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
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What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
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Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
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Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
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I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
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I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
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How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
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For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
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What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
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Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
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Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
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Whats pink, wrinkled and hangs out yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
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What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
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What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
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How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
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Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
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Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
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A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
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A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
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I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
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Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
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What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
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Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
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What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
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What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
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Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
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How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
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Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
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If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
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Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
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If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
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