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Bollywood Jokes II


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Bollywood Jokes by a blind guy:

A blind guy was sitting at a bar and shouts to the bartender, "Ya wanna hear about Bollywood Jokes ?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell the joke, you should know something."
There is Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan inside fighting over a Black Buck. There's Aamir Khan and Hrithik Roshan fighting over No. 1 slot in Bollywood. There is Rani Mukherjee brooding over and there is Rakhi Sawant inside fretting and fuming, you know over who.
Now tell me mister. Do you still want to tell Bollywood Jokes.
The blind guy says, "No, not if I have to go through it six times !"


Overweight Rani Mukherjee:

Rani Mukherjee was so overweight and terribly upset, she went to see Amitabh Bachchan for his advise. He said, "Eat for two days regularly, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 kgs.
After two weeks when Amitabh Bachchan saw Rani Mukherjee. He was surprised and asked, "You lost 10 kgs ! Amazing ! You followed my instructions to the letter eh !"
Rani Mukherjee said, "Yes Amitji, I thought I was going to die the third day."
"How ? From hunger ?" Asked Amitabh Bachchan.
"No, from skipping." Said Rani Mukherjee in a weak tone.


The young entrepreneur:

Preity Zinta had just started her own firm. She rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, she saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, she picked up the phone and started to pretend she had a big deal working.
She threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally she hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."


Monkey business:

Aishwarya Rai walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While she's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please". The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, Aishwarya Rai goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey, most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." Aishwarya Rai starts to look at the monkeys in the cage.
She says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the very useful stuff."
Aishwarya Rai looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.
She gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together ! What on earth does it do?"
"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but it says it's a Consultant."


Aamir Khan's happiest moments:

Aamir Khan was married to Raveena Tandon and one day...
During their silver anniversary, Aamir Khan's wife reminded him : “Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" Aamir Khan replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."


John Abraham's employment:

Before coming into the films John Abraham once went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," John Abraham said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"


Abhishek Bachchan's horse stolen:

Ahishek Bachchan rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" He yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Mumbai !
And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Mumbai !" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Mumbai?" Abhishek Bachchan turned back and said, "I had to walk home."


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