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Bollywood Jokes III


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Salman Khan's cheeky romance:

Salman Khan sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." Salman Khan leaves. A few days later, Salman Khan again sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." Salman Khan leaves.
A week later, again Salman Khan sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." Salman Khan leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Barber's friend comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Hey, where did he go when he left here?"
His friend looked up and said, "To your house."


Daring dashing Sanjay Dutt:

Amitabh Bachchan was a great actor and a millionaire, and he collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. He also had a beautiful daughter, Kareena Kapoor, who was single.
One day, Amitabh Bachchan decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give Rs.fifty lakhs, or my daughter, to the man can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool, Sanjay Dutt was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
Amitabh Bachchan was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
Sanjay Dutt catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want that bloody idiot who pushed me into the pool !"


Bollywood dogs are smarter too:

Rani Mukherjee and Kareena Kapoor own a dog each and are arguing about which dog is smarter....
Kareena Kapoor : "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Rani Mukherjee : "I know..."
Kareena Kapoor : "How?"
Rani Mukherjee : "My dog told me."


Amitabh Bachchan as key witness in a certain court case:

Judge : This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
Amitabh Bachchan : Yes.
Judge : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Amitabh Bachchan : I forget.
Judge : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've Forgotten.
Amitabh Bachchan : What example?


Rani Mukherjee working in a super market:

Rani Mukherjee was working in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. Rani Mukherjee told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half.
Rani Mukherjee explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As she finished saying this, she turned around to find the man standing right behind her, so she quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way.
Later on the manager said to Rani Mukherjee, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, my child?" Rani Mukherjee replied, "West Bengal, sir."
"Oh, really? Why did you leave West Bengal?" Inquired the manager.
Rani Mukherjee replied, "They're all just bitches and cricket players up there."
"My wife is from West Bengal", exclaimed the manager.
Rani Mukherjee instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"


A Rare Wish:

Aishwarya Rai was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genies lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to economic inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
Aishwarya Rai didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Wow, lady ! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but I am not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Aishwarya Rai thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for, a good mate."
The Genie let out a long hard sigh and said, "Let me see that bloody map!"


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