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Bollywood Jokes IV


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Too Intelligent Priyanka Chopra:

While in a shooting, once Amitabh Bachchan asked all the stars and the crew in his class: “Anyone knows the formula for water ?"
"Sure. That's easy," said Priyanka Chopra.
"What is it ?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" asked Amitabh Bachchan.
"H to O," explained Priyanka Chopra.


Amitabh Bachchan and his brothers:

Amitabh Bachchan walks into a bar, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Amitabh Bachchan replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Mumbai. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it at that.
Amitabh Bachchan becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Amitabh Bachchan looks confused for a moment, then light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."


Choose a room:

Saif Ali Khan died and was delivered to the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said.
In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said Saif Ali Khan. "Show me the second."
In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," Saif Ali Khan said, "show me the third."
In the third, thousands of people were standing knee-deep in a room full of maggot-infested garbage, all drinking coffee.
"I'll choose this room," Saif Ali Khan said. Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.
Immediately, the voice of a lower demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."


The smart secretary:

The Godfather, accompanied by his secretary, Aishwarya Rai walked into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant didn't answer. The Godfather asked again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The Godfather's secretary, Aishwarya Rai interrupted, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather said, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is." Aishwarya Rai, using sign language, asked the accountant where the three million dollars was. The accountant signed back, "I don't know what you're talking about." Aishwarya Rai interpreted to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulled out a pistol, put it to the temple of the accountant, cocked the trigger and said, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!" Aishwarya Rai signed to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"
The accountant signed back, "Okay! Okay! The money's hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather asked, "Well, what did he say?"
Aishwarya Rai interpreted to the Godfather, "He said that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."


Bollywood actresses' clocks:

A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for. She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second. He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Teresa’s.
He then asked where Bollywood actresses' clocks were. The woman replied "They are in the kitchen and other rooms and halls, we're using them as ceiling fans."


First Fight:

Rani Mukherjee marries John Abraham
Three weeks after her wedding day, Rani Mukherjee called her good friend Shahrukh Khan. "Shahrukh", she wailed, "John Abraham and I had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said Shahrukh Khan, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Rani Mukherjee. "But what am I going to do with the body?


Oh Shit!

There were these three Bollywood babes, Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor and Celina Jaitley. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old sadhu comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three Bollywood babes go over to the pool. The first babe, Aishwarya Rai a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second babe, Kareena Kapoor was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third babe, Celina Jaitley jumps, when a bird shits on her head, and she yells "Oh Shit!"


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