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Bollywood Jokes V


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Good answer:

Quiz Master on a TV show : All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
Vidya Balan : Oral.


Shilpa Shetty's IQ:

Journalist : Madam, what is your IQ?
Shilpa Shetty : Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


Rani Mukherjee's car drive:

A police officer stops Rani Mukherjee for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
Rani Mukherjee replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."


Diya Mirza interviewing a Celebrity:

Diya Mirza : You had three children, right?
Celebrity : Yes.
Diya Mirza : How many were boys?
Celebrity : None.
Diya Mirza : Were there any girls?


Shilpa Shetty as a lawyer examining Doctor Amitabh Bachchan in a court:

Shilpa Shetty : You are Dr. Amitabh Bachchan.
Dr. Amitabh Bachchan : Yes.
Shilpa Shetty : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Dr. Amitabh Bachchan : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Shilpa Shetty : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Dr. Amitabh Bachchan : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Shilpa Shetty : And Mr. Shahrukh Khan was dead at the time?
Dr. Amitabh Bachchan : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Mallika Sherawat's appearance:

Judge : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Mallika Sherawat : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Bollywood Stars' English skills:

If our Bollywood stars speak English, it would sound most probably like this...
"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them."
"We have very deep depth!"
"We made too many wrong mistakes."


Bollywood babes to space:

Ayesha Takia, Aishwarya Rai and Kareena Kapoor were at the NASA space center. Aishwarya Rai says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow.
Kareena Kapoor says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week.
Ayesha Takia says, "I want to go to the sun".
The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?"
Ayesha Takia says, "Well then I'll go at night."


Ayesha Takia pleases hubby with her intelligence:

Ayesha Takia was married and she wanted to prove to her husband that she was not stupid, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he's at work.
When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously green and smelt like paint, so he went to his wife to see what's going on. When he went in the bedroom, Ayesha Takia was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket.
The husband said, "I like what you did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket?"
Ayesha Takia responds, "When I was reading the instructions on the can, it said 'FOR BEST RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!"


Bipasha Basu on the other side:

A Hollywood star is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots Bipasha Basu on the other side. She yells over to her, "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?"
And after a quick survey of the river, Bipasha Basu calls back "You ARE on the other side!"


Dia Mirza's flight plight:

Dia Mirza calls Indian Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from Mumbai to Hyderabad?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," Dia Mirza says, and hangs up.


Akshay Kumar and his speeding BMW:

Akshay Kumar bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
Akshay Kumar thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.


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