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Gus: the Theathre Cat

Gus is the cat at the theatre door
His name as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus but that´s such a fuss to pronounce

That we usually call him just Gus
His coat´s very shabby
Hi´s thin as a rake And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats

But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn´t the cat that was in his prime Though his name was quite famous he says in his time

And whenever he joins his friends at their club
Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub
He loves to regale them is someone else pays
Whith anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He was acted with Irving, he was acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the halls Where the gallery once gave him seven cat-calls
But his grandest creation as he loves to tell Was Fireforefiddle the Fiend of the Fell

I have played in my time every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I´d exteemporise back-chat, I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag

I knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal I never could fail
I´d a voice that would soften the ardest of hearts
Whether I tool the lead or in character parts

I have sat by the bedside of poor Little Nell
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bel
l In the patomine season I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington´s cat

But my grandest creation as history will tell
Was Fireforefiddle the Fiend of the Fell

Then if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat

And I say that these kittens
They do not get trained as we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop

And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
Well, the theatre is certainly not what is was
These modern productions are all very well
But there´s nothing to wqual from what I hear tell

That moment of mystery
When I made history
As Fireforefiddle the Fiend of the Fell
These modern productions are all very well
But there´s nothing to equal from what I hear tell

That moment opf mystery
When I ma...

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