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Male and Female Showering Habits

Shower like a woman...
Take off clothing and place it in a
sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights, darks, whites, man made or
natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing long
dressing gown. If husband seen
along the way cover up any exposed
flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the
mirror and stick out belly. Complain
and whine about getting fat.
Get in shower. Look for facecloth,
armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and
Lamprey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.Wash hair again with
Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with cucumber and
lamprey conditioner with enhanced
natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for
15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Rinse conditioner off hair taking at
least 15 minutes to make sure that
it's all come off.
Shave armpits and legs. Consider
shaving bikini area but decide to get
it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes
toilet and water loses pressure and
turns red hot.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get
out of shower. Dry with towel the
size of small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second
towel.
Check entire body for remotest sign
of spots. Attack with nails and or
tweezers (if you can find them).
Return to bedroom wearing long
dressing gown and towel on head. If
husband seen, cover up any exposed
areas and then rush to bedroom to
spend hour and a half getting
dressed.
Shower like a man...
Take off clothes while sitting on bed
and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to bathroom. If wife
seen, shake knob at her while
shouting "Way Hey!!"
Look in mirror and suck in gut to see
your manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror,
scratch bollocks and smell fingers for
one last whiff.
Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for wash cloth,
don't need one.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Laugh at how loud farts sound in the
shower.
Wash bollocks and the surrounding
area.
Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use
conditioner.
Make Mohican hairstyle with
shampoo. Pull back curtain to see
self in mirror.
Piss in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail
to notice water on floor because
shower curtain outside bath for
whole shower time.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in mirror, flex muscles
and admire size of knob again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet
bath mat on floor.
Leave bathroom light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel
around waist. If you pass wife, pull
off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby"
and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterday's clothes.


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