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just take things one step at a

Saturday July 12 2014: DISCIPLINE IN EVERY AREA

"Just take things one step at a time [and] you will get it right" - Nicky on How To Fix My Life

Chatted with Monica via Whatsapp and the phone. Went to some depths I should not have gone. Chatted with Colleen via WhatsApp as well (and S., and Jackie and later, Ann).

Chatted for a very short, but significant time, with Nicky, the conversation showing me more clearly the direction I have already decided to take.

7/12/2014 8:15 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: Every time I'm here by myself on a Saturday I think about u
7/12/2014 8:15 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: Gm Nicky.
7/12/2014 8:22 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: I tell myself that I'm over u. That I have reached that stage of acceptance, where I know I can never have you, except maybe as a friend, and sometimes even that seems to be fading. But I realize I need u in my life. For some reason u were good for me spiritually. But now, without you, I find myself going back to my old <some text omitted> ways and I don't like it. It makes me feel guilty and... Here I go writing a book again and you probably don't even care about what I'm saying.
7/12/2014 8:23 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: If I loved anyone of these women the way I loved you, I'm certain I wouldn't be feeling guilty but glad. But I don't love them that way.
7/12/2014 8:25 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: The long and short of it, is that I miss u and need u but can't have u, so I must learn to exercise discipline in every area. Later.
7/12/2014 8:27 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: Like this profile pic btw
7/12/2014 8:33 AM: Nicky Nicola 'Nicole': Gm allen well you need to figure out a way to fix things in your life hun im trying to do the same thing in [mine.] glad that I could be a wonderful inspiration in ur life but just take things one step at a time [and] u will get it right
7/12/2014 8:37 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: Thanks Nicky
7/12/2014 8:39 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: I'm going to fix it, by myself, and with God's help. Love u. (Long time I haven't told u that). Thanks again
7/12/2014 9:44 AM: Nicky Nicola 'Nicole': Np
7/12/2014 9:55 AM: Allen Roy MacPherson: K

In that conversation, lies the road I must take and how I must take it. I am to "exercise discipline in every area" and "take things one step at a time".

Discipline in my work and my job, in my desires, my relationships, my health, my eating habits, my financial life, my spiritual life, my recreational life, my emotional, and nonexistent, love life. Discipline in mind, body, soul, heart and spirit. And it cannot be done all at once. It must be done one step at a time. This month into August is the month of preparation. And in six months I should see the results. That is January 31st 2015. [On January 15 2015 I am going to be 55]. I'm hoping that I would have cleared my $**,000 COK debt by the end of February 2015 and by the end of March 2015 be lodging over $***,000 to my fixed deposit, which by that time I hope I'd have brought from $**,000, which it is now, to $***,000, so that I can have a least */* million dollars in it, but that seems like a stretch, but I have faith.

[And it really is a stretch now that I have calculated it. I would have to be lodging over $36,000 to my a/c every month; and even if I go for a lesser goal, it would mean lodging $16,000 every month instead.]

Spoke to Pauline C-B for over an hour. She had told me earlier, via WhatsApp, that she was bored. Discussed oneness vs Trinity; her husband; the benefits and detriments of having a girlfriend/wife 20 years younger than yourself (and it wasn't really about me though I know the many benefits and the one detriment); my complete christian life; my incomplete and nonexistent sex life; my parents; grace, selective grace, predestination and the Elect; the amazing and awesome power, compassion, mercy and love, that is my God and hers.

Didn't talk to Ann (though I did earlier in the day; wants us to hang out tomorrow), nor Tashana, nor Deon and that may be a problem for them, especially Tashana, who I spoke to earlier for a very short time, just to tell her I'd call her back. And didn't..

Today, washed, went to work, wasn't as disciplined with the work as I should be, left a little after 7, went to Scotchies, walked to HWT, caught a 73ax in the terminus and went home.

In the meantime, Netherlands trashed Brazil 3-0.

Franz, Mark, Jodian, Kenisha, Caleisha and Toni-shae were there with me, when I was at work..

A young lady hanging up clothes in the yard at the corner of Spathodia and Begonia (waved to me so friendly, you know those 'fingers-extended-shake-the-open-palm-loosely-freely-side-to-side' waves. I won't even attempt to describe - or even mention - the tiny pink shorts she was wearing or her perfect young body and buttocks). One of a pair of polite, young ladies, who I think work at HGS (call centre agents can sound so well-spoken most of the times). My distractions for the day.

Sleep coming.

Wanted to go to Fun in the Son. Didn't. [Spoke to Sophia as well today]

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