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" Overheard "

1:-) "If a man eats dates, is he consuming time?"!
2:-( At an auction sale "Sold to the lady with her husband's hand over her mouth"!
3;-) "An ideal wife is always someone else's"
4:-D "Which would you rather give up - Wine or women?" - "It depends on the vintage"!
5:-l "With the present stock markrt conditions, I am neither a bull nor a bear - just a chicken"!
6:-) "Thank God! Nobody ever made a law that prevents a man from making a fool of himself"!
7:-( "I asked her to marry me, and she said no! And we lived happily ever after"!
8;-) "I hate my mother-in law. Of course, I know that wiyhout her, I wouldn't have my wife. That's another reason I hate her"!
9:-D "My wife will never learn how to swim - she just can't keep her mouth shut that long"!
10:-l "My dad told me everything about the birds and the bees - he doesn't know anything about girls"!
11:-) "Business is so bad that even shop-lifters have stopped coming"!
12:-( "What a wonderful night! The moon was out and so were her parents"!
13;-) "Our son brought a note from the school - They want to have a written excuse for his presence"!
14:-D "A friend in need is a friend to avoid"!
15:-l "My boss has that sign on his desk - 'The Buck Stops Here'. And it really does. You can never get a raise"!
16:-) "I got this blackeye from a fire - my wife caught me kissing an pld flame"!
17:-( "My wife gave me a wonderful birthday present - she let me win an argument"!
18;-) "I'm watching my drinking - I only visit bars that have mirrors "!
19:-D "I said to my mother-in-law 'Our house is your house'. Last week, she sold it"!
20:-l "My wife does bird imitations - she watches me like a hawk"!
21:-) "My wife closes her eyes when we're making love - she hates to see me having a good time"!
22:-( Overheard - to a chauffeur "I'm 90 and rather bored with life, so I want to commit suicide. Kindly drive over the next cliff"!

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