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Abutls Jokes

Busy Bulls

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: ´This bull mated 50 times last year.´ The wife turns to her husband and says, ´He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.´
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: ´This bull mated 65 times last year.´ The wife turns to her husband and says, ´This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.´

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: ´This bull mated 365 times last year.´ The wife´s mouth drops open and says, ´WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.´

The man turns to his wife and says, ´Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.´


Cohones de Toro... HOT!

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, ´What is that you just served?´

The waiter replied, ´Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull´s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!´

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, ´What the heck, I´m on vacation down here! Bring me an order!´

The waiter replied, ´I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy´!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ´These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!´

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ´Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.´


Can´t we just make his legs longer?

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three doctors and one nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.
The first doctor said, ´We´ll just take a big hunk off the end.´ They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, ´We´ll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it.´ They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, ´We´ll just take a big hunk off the base of it.´ They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks.

The nurse cried, ´Can´t we just make his legs longer?´


When I get big, fat, and juicy...

There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber ´Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad.´

The pickle looks at him and says, ´You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar.´

The penis looks at him and says, ´You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!.´


Argument About Sex

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, ´Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we´re so obsessed with getting laid?´
´That doesn´t prove anything,´ the woman countered. ´Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?


I can tell how a man makes love...

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, ´Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door.´

John says, ´Well, give me some examples.´

Jill proceeds to tell him, ´Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn´t for me.´

´The second way is if a man fumbles around and can´t seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn´t for me either.´

Then Jill said, ´Honey, how do you unlock your door?´

John proceeds to say, ´Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock.´


Another Woman

David finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman.
´Can she cook like I can?´ the distraught woman asked between sobs.

´Not on her best day,´ he replied.

´Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?´

´No, she´s broke.´

´Well, then, is it sex?´

´Nobody does it like you, babe.´

´Then what can she do that I can´t?´

´Sue me for child support.´



1. You can GET chocolate.
2. ´If you love me you´ll swallow that´ has real meaning with chocolate.

3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won´t mind.

8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9. The word ´commitment´ doesn´t scare off chocolate.

10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.

11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12. You don´t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13. With chocolate there´s no need to fake it.

14. Chocolate doesn´t make you pregnant.

15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

16. Good chocolate is easy to find.

17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20. With chocolate size doesn´t matter; it´s always good

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