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What do Mexicans and sp,erm have in common?
There are millions of them but few work

Why don´t they teach driver´s education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
They don´t want to wear out the camel

A truck carrying hundreds of copies of Roget´s Thesaurus overturned. The local newspaper reported that onlookers were ´stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, gobsmacked, amazed, bewildered and dumbfounded´

How do you knock out a marine?
Throw sand against a brick wall and say ´Hit the beach´

What´s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley

What is the penalty for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law

What is the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the sofa

Jesus was a typical man. They always say they´ll come back but you never see them again

Why do most men like smart women?
Because opposites attract

What´s the difference between a man and childbirth?
One is a constant pain and is almost unbearable, the other is simply having a baby

What´s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What´s the difference between a Savings Bond and the typical male?
At some point the Savings Bond will mature

A marriage counsellor was asking a woman questions about her state of mind.
´Did you wake up grumpy this morning?´
´No, i let him sleep´

Why do most men die before their wives?
They want to

First man: ´My wife´s an angel´
Second man: ´You´re lucky - mine´s still alive!´

What´s the difference between a rubbish bag and a wife?
The rubbish gets taken out once a week

If a lawyer and a taxman were both drowning and you could save only one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What does a lawyer use for birth control?
His personality

Why do Jewish women go for circ,umcised men?
They can´t resist anything with 10 per cent off

Did you hear what happened to the Irish Sea Scouts?
Their tent sank

Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic?
There´s a 12-month waiting list

An Irishman´s wife gave birth to twins.
Her husband demanded to know who the other man was

Why do Irishmen wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure

What do you call an Irishman with an IQ of 12?
A village

Why did the Irishman fall out of the window?
He was ironing the curtain

What´s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O´Furniture

What´s the difference between a sick horse and a dead bee?
One is a seedy beast, the other is a bee deceased

Doctor: ´Nurse, how is that little boy doing - the one who swallowed those pound coins?´
Nurse: ´No change yet´

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