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♥♀Funny SMS Jokes♀♥

→ We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
→ All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
→ If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
→ When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexualharassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
→ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
→ Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
→ Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
→ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
→ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
→ Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
→ First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
→ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
→ Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pinkrose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
→ Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
→ Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
→ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little tobe out on it's own!!!!
→ Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
→ Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
→ My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
→ Hi, do you want to have my children? No.??...Okay, then can we just practice?
→ I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
→ Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
→ If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
→ Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
→ Hi! Please stand by while this program enlargesyour penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
→ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little tobe out on it's own!!!!
→ It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
→ News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
→ God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
→ The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
→ CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further ordersas one of the dogs is reading this
→ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
→ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
→ Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
→ I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how an ice cream!
→ ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
→ Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
→ Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
→ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
→ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
→ I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
→ There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
→ What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
→ What happened when the Pope went to MountOlive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
→ I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
→ A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
→ Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on thejob relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
→ What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
→ Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
→ Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
→ What is the difference between a woman and amagnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
→ The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
→ Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
→ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
→ What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
→ Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
→ Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
→ What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
→ What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
→ Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
→ Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
→ Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
→ I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
→ I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
→ How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
→ For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
→ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
→ Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
→ Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
→ Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
→ What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
→ What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
→ How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
→ Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

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