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laugh - Funny
philsner.peperonity.net

^¤^Jokes^¤^

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A girl went to introduce the man she wanted to get married to,

Father:"so you want to marry my daughter,what do you do for a living?"

Man:"I just got out of prison,I will search for a job soon"

Father:"whaaaat­­,you were in prison and you want to marry my daughter with that bad record,what did you do?"

Man:"I killed a person"

Father:"what did the person do?"

Man:"he denied me to marry his daughter"

Father:"welcome­­ to the family son"

I'm neva messing up with my mama again, We were making jokes about mama's , Nd my mama said : Your mama so nasty she suked your daddy Dick n she come 2 your room n kissed u good nyt.

A Nigerian man who makes casket was on his way 2 deliver 1 of d coffins wen his car broke dwn.trying nt 2 be late,he put d coffin on his head n began heading 2 his destination.som­­e policemen saw him n wanted 2 mke some mony off him(bribe),so dey challenged him:
Hey! Wat re u carrying nd were re u going?, d man said, I no like were dem bury me, so I won go bury myself 4 another place;
D policemen left everyfin even d cars nd hold nd ran 4 dia lives

Of course I won't laugh,' said the nurse. 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.' - Dread Eye

'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room

Itumeleng Khune was having breakfast in the morning. He asked the waiter to have his 2 boiled eggs on a side plate... Andile Jali came in with Senzo Meyiwa

Waiter: Sir, are you ready to order?

Jali : Yes… Hmmmm *forgets what is inkukhu CHICKEN in English* he pointed at Khune's eggs and said "I want their mother!”

Akpors and Ekaitte were celebrating their
50th wedding anniversary,
And the following dialogue ensued between
them:
Akpors: I was wondering have you ever
cheated on me?
Ekaitte; Oh akpors, why would you ask such
a question now? You don't want to ask that
question, do u?
Akpors; Yes Ekaitte, , I really want to know.
Please.
Ekaitte; Well, all right. Yes, 3times.
Akpors; Three? When were they?
Ekaitte; Well, akpors, remember when you
were 25 years old and you really wanted to
start the business on your own and no bank
would give you a loan? Remember how one
day the bank president himself came over to
the house and signed the loan papers, no
questions asked?
Akpors; Oh, ekaitte, you did that for me! I
respect you even more than ever, that you
would do such a thing forme! So, when was
number 2?
Ekaitte; Well, Akpors, remember when you
had that last heart attack and you were
needing that very tricky operation, and no
surgeon would touch you? Remember how
Dr. Patrick came all the way up here, to do
the surgery himself, and then you were in
good shape again?
Akpors; I can't believe it! Ekaitte, I love that
you should do such a thing for me, to save
my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful
wife. To do such a thing, you must really love
me darling. I couldn't be more moved, then
When was number 3?,
Ekaitte; Well, akpors, remember a few years
ago, when you really wanted to be president
of the golf club and all you needed was 1000
votes?
Akpors fainted.

Teacher: if I give you 2 dogs, and
another two
dogs
and another 2 dogs, how many
will you have?
Jerry: Seven Sir
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I
gave u two
dogs, and
another two dogs and another
two, hw many
will u
have?
Jerry: Seven
Teacher: let me put it to you
differently. If I
give you 2
apples, and another two apples
and another
two
apples, hw many will u have?
Jerry: Six
Teacher: Good. Now if I give u 2
dogs,
another two
dogs and another two dogs, hw
many will
you have?
Jerry: Seven!!!
Very angry Teacher: Where the
F**k do you
get
seven?!?!?
Very angry jerry: BECAUSE I FUCKEN
HAVE 1
AT
HOME!!!

How can mzansi's agricultural sector grow when
anytime it rains our youth screams "Baby Making
Weather" instead of going outside to plant some
spinach?

A drunk enters a chemist and screams," I
want a condom!!" The chemist disgusted
says "Sir could you be a bit more decent?"
So the drunk unzips and takes out his Mchini
on the table and says "Excuse me! Please
do you have clothes for this beauty??"

A boss interviewed 4 girls for a Secretary
position. He asked the same question to
each one of them.

And the question was: A woman has lips in two different places on her body, what is the difference between the two lips?

1st Girl: One is hairy, the other isn't.
Boss: Ok, Good!

2nd Girl: One can talk but the other can't.
Boss: That's better

3rd Girl: One is vertical and other is horizontal.
Boss: Hmmmm...Very clever

4th Girl: One is for me to use and the other is for my boss.
Boss: You are hired!

Sipho and Thabo entered a chocolate store. As they
were busy looking, Sipho stole 3 Bar-one
chocolates.As they left the store, Sipho said to
Thabo: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 Bar-
ones chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat
that"Thabo replied: "You wanna see something
better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you
real stealing"So they went to the counter and Thabo
said to the Shop owner: "Do you wanna see magic?"
Shop owner replied: "Yes." Thabo said: "Give me
one Bar-one chocolate." The shop owner gave him
one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he
ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished
that one too.The shop owner asked: "But where's
the magic?" Thabo replied: "Check in my friend's
pocket, and you'll find them."

This afternuun as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into a taxi, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

Bushmen Joke
A Bushman picks up a mirror lying in the field, but never having seen one before, does not know what it is. When he looks at it, he is shocked and scared because the face he sees looks just like his dead father, who he misses very much. Every time he gets sad and misses his father, he looks into the mirror and cries his eyes out.

His wife sees this from time to time and wonders what is going on until one day she grabs the mirror from him. She looks in the mirror and sees the ugliest woman she has ever seen in her life and smacks her husband against the head screaming: "You dog, Is it this ugly old mistress you are crying over?"

Thabo gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.

"So what do I do first?"

His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed."

5 minutes later Thabo's on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing,"Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."

After another 5 minutes poor Thabo is on the phone again. "Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her,
what do I do now?"

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "Damnit son, do I have to spell everything out for you?
Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!"

Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again.

"Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?"

"DROWN YOURSELF, YOU FU-CKING IDIOT!"
Thabo gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.

"So what do I do first?"

His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed."

5 minutes later Thabo's on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing,"Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."

After another 5 minutes poor Thabo is on the phone again. "Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her,
what do I do now?"

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "Damnit son, do I have to spell everything out for you?
Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!"

Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again.

"Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?"

"DROWN YOURSELF, YOU FU-CKING IDIOT!"
"DEAR MKAMI: Ngibhala lencwadi ayi ngoba ngingasakuthandi, ngiyakuthanda kakhulu kodwa ke nawe uyasazi isimo sokuthi usukhulile usuneminyaka ewu 56. Nawe uyazi ke ukuthi kukhona izinto ezithize ongasakwazi ukungijabulisa ngazo, ngithi angikwazise ukuthi namuhla angizobuya ekhaya ngiya ehotela nencane intombi le ina 18yrs u Mbali, uyonginika lokhu wena ongasakwazi ukunginika kona, ngiyethemba angeke kube khona ingxabano uma sengibuya, yimi umyeni wakho... Mnchwaaaaaa IPHENDULE INKOSIKAZI: Baba ngiyitholile i SMS yakho profesa omkhulu wezibalo, ngithi angikwazise nami ukuthi angeke ungithole uma ubuya ekhaya, ngiyazikhipha ngiya e hotel no Sbusiso your top ...
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