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jul - Logos

July 2 2008

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him" -Job13:15

I turned around my late father's portrait tonight so I could see his face. If the portrait was distracting me from focusing on my heavenly Father through these distressing, troubling times of mine, it may not be bad thing.
If I am to judge from tonight and many other hungry nights in the past, my father, even in his - our - poorest, unemployed times, seem to be a better father than God, and God is all-powerful and with all His riches in glory more than able to supply all my needs.
If my father was alive and with me, he would never allow me to go to bed hungry and he would have been doing his best to get me a job and I wouldn't have to beg and plead and praise him as I have to do with God.
And all this begging and pleading as today - re food - and these months - re a job - prove, all in vain.
I feel deserted by God. I try to get in touch with Him but I can't. I leave messages but He never answers nor returns my calls. Can someone tell me where He is or how I can find Him? I need food! I need a job!
Are all those words and promises Jesus and the Bible said and made all lies? About His and God's love, and the Father showing His benefience for me speedily, even more speedily than my earthly Father would. All lies?
If my late father was God I'd be working a long time ago and I wouldn't be going to be hungry tonight. Forget the soup, rice, liver, flour dumplings I have been living off. I would be having a Burgerking burger or Kentucky Fried Chicken; a coke or pepsi instead of bagjuice. Mmmm I long for the food I love instead of this empty rumbling belly.
Maybe God's promises and Jesus' words weren't meant for the wider world; maybe only for the disciples and the Jews and not us gentile goyim dogs.
I don't know. In this country where the cares and concerns are all for the young - most of whom don't care themselves, except for guns, killing, ganja, drugs, smuggling, dance and dances, fornication, hatred of police and disrespect of women; it is them they care about and so, at 48, I am too old for every job unless my Father - the one in heaven - can help me????? I wish I had some food tonight!
God hides His face from me, and treats me as His enemy but although He slays me I still trust in Him. [Read Job 13]
10 minutes into tomorrow.

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