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memoirs jul
present.memoirs.peperonity.net

JULY 28 2008

Another nothing day. Am really tired of this idling and waiting - though not in vain, I know - on God.
Had to sell my $25000 phone for $5000 to Kareen but money came over a period so never used it to pay lightbill as I wanted to.
However I am not as meagre as last week, thanks to that money and foodstuff from Nurse Duhaney from church,
who also gave me $500 this sunday and $1000 the sunday before.
She's taken over for Jean who gave me $1000 the sunday before last sunday.
True church sisters they are, and, regardless of the charity, I do feel like the congregation is my family.
Is that my life's desire: to belong?
I want to stay in St. Mary, to live, grow old and die here, to forever be a member of St. Mary Parish Church and be buried in the churchyard... if the rapture doesn't come before.
I want to spend the last 23 years of my life in this parish [if I live past 60].
Father Manderson continues to inspire and impress me with his sermons.
Like the Psalmist King David I wish I could dwell in the tabernacles of the Lord forever.
Heaven is becoming more appealing to me - and not just an alternative to the torments of hell.
Fellowship, the missing ingredient - as I long realized - from my earlier christian walk, has opened up to me the joy and importance of church and a longing for Heaven.
God continues to reveal Himself to me and answer my prayers though not as much or speedily enough - respectively - as my impatience desires.
I still have not found a job nor been able to pay my rent yet. I feel like a squatter and I am. I don't think the shame of this situation is befitting a child of God.
It affects my testimony and also my faith. This situation weakens me spiritually, emotionally and in every way. I admit that I am strong but I would be stronger in every way if God answered only 1 prayer and lets me find a job.
[Clive called twice, while I was writing this and it is a double miracle that I was able to resume WAP and continue writing this. He called first to check up on me then called Mr. Hilton then called back with not-so-good news:
PIHL winding down in St. Mary... ] Still I am not giving up hope.
Mrs. Barnett supposed to be checking out something. Jean spoke to her as well and said she would speak again to Mrs. Creary. Custos says something might come up in Galina but it wasn't certain yet.
Sometimes I feel forgotten by people and even by God but I know He has not forgotten me and as He told King Hezekiah, via Isaiah, [2Kings 20, Isaiah 38, 2Chronicles 32] He also tells me:
"I have heard thy prayers, I have seen thy tears." And God always answers my prayers, though in His own perfect time.
Re: my rent and other things, my theme for this period is "With A Prayer and No Plan". [Am leaving all in God's hand]
I met Patsy Grandison 2 Wednesdays ago but was unable to attend the crusade she had invited me to the following Sunday although I wanted to.
2 or 3 hours of church is not enough for me. I need more.
Donna McDermott from church introduced herself to me after church and mentioned my red shirt which was she said was really pink. Jean also complenented me on my pink shirt, which was an unworn shirt of my late father, which since last year's hard times and loss of weight I finally can fit into.
I miss my father and my mother. Sad.
I went to the Hospital Wednesday. Didn't got to hypertensive clinic [it was too late] but got my medication, stuck around to hear Bro. Bob [Weston] preach again [on the topic of "Doors"] with Ever.
Didn't look for Ms. McNish, who is often on my mind and heart, though I wanted to.
The other Pam [Phillips??], the seminarian in training, lost her husband to a stroke last week. He had also been in my thoughts and prayers.
The other seminarian Roland had some problems with Mrs. Creary, who they stay with, and is no longer there - nor at church. [Clive met Davereaux (???) he says. I was impressed with he leading the church in choruses and prayer last Sunday]
Damien [Wilks?] wants to take the call to ministry.
In "The Word for Today" Jean gave me, says today, "Matthew got up and followed him [Jesus]. And notice he took his pen with him!"
Because I am sometimes - though rarely - I was about to check the gospel WRITTEN by Matthew to see if it mentioned his pen.
As a writer, I too, like Matthew, want to take up not only my cross but my pen and follow Christ.


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