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ANIMALS

The lot of you!

David Beckham is feeling particularly brave one day and decides to try horse riding.
He deftly climbed astride the choosen horse and was soon galloping like the wind, and considering it was his first time he was mastering it extremely well.
Eventually he got that little bit too confident and started to lose his balance and started to slip out of the saddle.
Suddenly, he slipped out of the saddle and found himself hanging on under the horses neck.
Posh, on seeing this, begun to scream uncontrollably trying which started to attract attention.
Meanwhile, David had decided that the only way to escape this situation was to throw himself clear of the horse, but his foot was trapped in one of the stirrups and he couldnt free himself.
By now, Davids head was hitting the floor as the horse galloped along and he was drifting into unconsciousness.
On seeing this, Posh screamed even louder, and on hearing these screams, a Tesco security guard rushed out of the store and unplugged the horse....

A randy gorilla was stalking through the jungle looking for a mate but he wasnt having any luck whatsoever.
Eventually, he came out into an opening where there was a large watering hole, & drinking at the watering hole, unaware of the gorillas presence, was a huge lion.
In a fit of sexual frenzy, the gorilla ran up behind the lion, reached round, grabbed his paws, rodgered him from behind several times, & then ran off into the jungle.
5 minutes later, once he had come to terms what had just happened to him, the lion gave chase, & he was after blood!
Meanwhile, the gorilla had come across a hunters abandoned camp & dressed in some old clothes, put on a hat, & was hiding his face in an old newpaper.
Eventually, the lion ran into the camp & spotted the heavilly disguised gorilla reading a newspaper.
´HEY YOU, HUNTER!´, roared the lion, ´DID YOU SEE A GORILLA RUN THROUGH HERE?´
The gorilla, replied from behind the newspaper, ´Would that be the gorilla who just rodgered a lion several times from behind at the watering hole?´
´FUCKING HELL!!´, replied the lion, ´ARE YOU TELLING ME ITS IN THE PAPERS ALREADY!!´


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