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-!-THE NINE SATANIC STATEMENTS-!-

1. SATAN REPRESENTS INDULGENCE INSTEAD 0F ABSITNENCE!

2. SATAN REPRESENTS VITAL EXSISTENCE INSEAD 0F SPRITUAL PIPE DREAMS!

3. SATAN REPRESENTS UNDEFILED WISD0M INSTEAD 0F HYP0CRITICAL SELF-DECEIT!

4. SATAN REPRESENTS KINDNESS T0 TH0SE WH0 DESERVE IT INSTEAD 0F L0VE WASTED 0N INGRATES!

5. SATAN REPRESENTS VENGEANCE INSTEAD 0F TURNING THE 0THER CHEEK!

6. SATAN REPRESENTS RESP0NSIBILITY T0 THE RESP0NSABLE INSTEAD 0F C0NCERN F0R PSYCHIC VAMPIRES!

7. SATAN REPRESENTS MAN AS JUST AN0THER ANIMAL, S0METIMES BETTER, M0RE 0FTEN W0RSE THAN TH0SE WH0 WALK 0N ALL F0URS, WH0, BECAUSE 0F HIS DIVINE SPRITUAL AND INTELLECTUAL DEVEL0PMENT, HAS BEC0ME THE M0ST VICI0US ANIMAL 0F ALL!

8. SATAN REPRESENTS ALL 0F THE S0 CALLED SINS, AS THEY LEAD T0 PHYSICAL, MENTAL, 0R EM0TI0NAL GRATIFICATI0N!

9. SATAN HAS BEEN THE BEST FRIEND THE CHURCH HAS EVER HAD, AS HE HAS KEPT IT BUSINESS ALL THESE YEARS!


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