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love YOURSELF first

'Lovee And Lover'
In A Unit Of One

The new focus these days is on the idea "love ourselves". We are fast moving away from the old "martyr" ethic of suffer and sacrifice yourself for others, to the one of realising that if we are to love humanity as a whole, we must first love humanity in a unit of one - our own self . . .

Now, I've been working on this "love myself" lesson for many years...and I'd been thinking that I had succeeded. That I finally loved myself! And then, on reflection, I realised that I had only touched the surface. I started looking at what loving someone really meant, and when I applied those definitions to myself, I saw that I was missing the mark, in many ways.

So how do we define love? What does it mean to love someone?
When we love someone we desire their happiness.
Do I desire my own happiness?
Well, of course! least on a "first reaction" basis.
I obviously don't desire my unhappiness - but do I follow up on it?

It is one thing to say that one loves someone and desire their happiness, but when we have to make choices that proves us truthful or not, do we pass the test? If we truly desired our happiness,
Would we remain at jobs that deaden our sense of life?
Would we stay in relationships that just isn't all that we know it should be?
Would we stay in situations that are harmful to us and lead us into depression?
Would we refuse to give ourselves the nurturing and love that we need?

Are we willing to set ourselves free from our own restrictions and patterns and limitations?
Are we willing to step away from the safety of our present, to go forward to the unknown which may hold our abundant happiness?
Are we afraid of what we will lose if we take the risk to step out of our cocoon of safety, of our daily routines that feel save and familiar?
Are we willing to set ourselves free, or are we afraid...?

Do we desire our happiness enough to be willing to take great risks for it?
To follow our bliss,
to reach for our dreams, simply because it holds promise of happiness?
Or are we holding back for fear of losing something - that we know is only a portion of happiness - not the whole manifestation of it..?

How much are we willing to love ourselves?
When we say we want happiness, are we willing to walk our talk?

When we love someone we give them the best we possibly can.

OK, so if I love myself, why do I not give myself the best food, the best attention, the kindest care?
Why do I put my work first, my deadlines, my bills, my partner or spouse, my obligations, my whatevers...

If I loved myself, I would be willing to lay aside other considerations to give myself these things that would be of benefit to me - take time for a walk, a massage, a good meal, a chat with a friend, whatever...

Am I really giving myself the best I have, or am I simply settling for leftovers?
Whatever time is left after my busy day is for me. Is that love?

When we love someone, we accept their foibles, their errors, their imperfections, just as we celebrate their being in our life.

Do we celebrate our "Being"?

Do we appreciate ourselves even though we are not "perfect"?

Are we willing to overlook and even laugh at our own foibles and imperfections?

Are we willing to say 'no problem' when we commit an error?

I must say that upon self-examination, I found that I had a long way to go before I could truly say that I loved myself.

Perhaps, an easier goal would be to simply take it one day and one action at a time. Rather than set such an abstract goal as "I will love myself completely", - it would be better if we set more concrete goals.

Perhaps we need to make our goals more action-orientated.

First, ask yourself how you could show yourself that you love yourself.

Imagine you were in a relationship with yourself (which of course you are), what would this dream lover (you) give you to show that he/she loved you?
Would it be flowers?
Would it be a gift of a massage?
Perhaps tickets to hear your favourite band, or play, or movie...

Perhaps a day off in the middle of the week every now and then.
Perhaps a weekend away from phones and any "obligations"...

What would this dream lover give you?

Prepare a meal for you?
Well, then order some food from your favourite restaurant to be delivered...

Bring you flowers? Stop and pick some up...

Give you a massage?

Whatever your "dream lover" would bring you, you can give it to yourself...

However you would see love translated into actions, take those actions for your own self.
Learn to treat yourself lovingly.

Rather than having a elusive goal of loving yourself someday - after you've worked out all your 'stuff' - just start taking action now.

There's a methodology called "acting as if".
OK, well act 'as if' you loved yourself unconditionally, even if you don't.

So rather than wonder and worry about whether you love yourself, and whether or not you'll ever be able to do so, ACT AS IF.

Start treating yourself the way you would treat someone you are totally and unconditionally in love with.
If you don't know how that would be, just act as if.
Start one step at a time.
One day at a time.
One action at a time. . .

Start right now.

If you were the person you love the most in the whole world, right this minute, what would you want to give to that person?
What would that person want to receive?
You would have an advantage here.
Being both the 'lovee' and the 'lover' you don't have to guess as to what your loved one would want
-You Already Know-
Did You Forget To Look Within And Ask?

Did You?
> Never underestimate yourself.
> Stop seeking the approval of others.
> Give yourself a break!
> Never take criticism personally.

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